Thank God I could get that off my chest. I finally said it – and I’m talking to you, Mr. Assvertiser. (That’s what I am going to start calling advertisers who are a pain in the ass. Which is most of them, including me when I’m talking to my friend Christine.)
One of my newer clients is a retail startup in a fairly…trendy….niche. Thankfully, they have the presence of mind to build their program and technology around the needs of affiliate marketers. They understand that they might have to risk some dough and make a big investment in payouts if the affiliate marketing channel is going to work for them. So far, so good…best case scenario.
Got me to thinking about the worst case scenarios, though. This stuff has happened to me more times than I’d like to admit….any of it sound familiar?
You are approached by an advertiser who thinks they have a phenomenal product/service that would be perfect for the web. It is life changing. A total reinvention of the market. It’s the Keebler model of using tree-dwelling elven sweat shops to churn out delicious confections, except they do prepaid cards. Or shoes. They talk to you about how great the model is and how it is so different from everything else out there. You bite your tongue, worried about those poor, raw-fingered little midgets dribbling fudge all over a graham cracker. AT WHAT COST?!?!?!!?!!?? You close the deal with some over the top credential (“I did Wonka’s affiliate program…”) They offer you no retainer, just $1 per sale (on a $49.00) stating “well, if we sell six million of these things next year I’ll be your biggest customer!” You leave that meeting longing for a tree full of teeny tiny bakers.
They have heard about affiliate marketing from (pick one: an investor/a relative/some guru) and want to build a program. You, being a fan of money and having been tasked by the board to diversify, attempt to oblige (after negotiating a small program management fee that you will soon come to regret).
Over the course of the next few weeks, you meet, talk about his business, and discuss some of the more important launch issues. You hit several impasses. For instance…
Trademark/keyword bidding: Client thinks that his in house team has it nailed even though they haven’t heard about Google Analytics. They are located in Missoula and have “bring your sheep to work” day. You want to let affiliates go to town because any sale to your client is not a sale to the competitor.
The payable action: You talk about building a nice pipeline of incoming data for his people to work and convert, paying $3 per lead. Client (pick one: will be damned if he’s going to pay for anything but a sale/can’t understand why $3 leads don’t convert at 100%/still doesn’t understand what a “pixel” is). You can’t get him to understand that recovering abandons is more important than making sales.
The team: You would like for him to hire an experienced technologist. His staff is comprised of three or four assholes with MBAs who have never actually run a business, as well as (pick one: his wife’s brother/the helpdesk guy from his last job/just him, outsourcing and learning Hindi on the fly/some chick he knocked up a few years back).
Three months later, they’ve paid you $25,000 for $200,000 worth of time and resources. You part ways and refer him to a competitor, figuring that it’ll set them back at least a few months and give you some time to get your core business back together.
Epilogue: A year later, you see that he is running an arbitrage, aggressively allowing TM and keyword bidding, and is implementing everything that you taught him. He calls you and asks why you aren’t running traffic to him. Another year goes by. He’s fired the network and purchased direct track, can’t understand why affiliates call him so much and gets caught up in a fraud ring. He turns anti-affiliate, lowers payouts, cuts subcodes and his sales plummet. He calls you for advice. You chuckle and refer him to Warrior Forum.
Anyway, I put together a brief list of to-do’s. My hope is that it’ll get my clients in the trenches a bit sooner and ensure they have a couple of the basics down. They need to be educated, and not just by me. (This is all intended to be pre-launch, pre-buildout stuff). My hope is that the transparency will make them realize “Christ this is complicated” and further add value to the service I’m providing. Or I might just get circumvented. FML.
Take a look and let me know what you think!
(PS Sorry Christine it’ll get better)